1. push yourself to get up before the rest of the world - start with 7am, then 6am, then 5:30am. go to the nearest hill with a big coat and a scarf and watch the sun rise.
2. push yourself to fall asleep earlier - start with 11pm, then 10pm, then 9pm. wake up in the morning feeling re-energized and comfortable.
3. erase processed food from your diet. start with no lollies, chips, biscuits, then erase pasta, rice, cereal, then bread. use the rule that if a child couldn’t identify what was in it, you don’t eat it.
4. get into the habit of cooking yourself a beautiful breakfast. fry tomatoes and mushrooms in real butter and garlic, fry an egg, slice up a fresh avocado and squirt way too much lemon on it. sit and eat it and do nothing else.
5. stretch. start by reaching for the sky as hard as you can, then trying to touch your toes. roll your head. stretch your fingers. stretch everything.
6. buy a 1L water bottle. start with pushing yourself to drink the whole thing in a day, then try drinking it twice.
7. buy a beautiful diary and a beautiful black pen. write down everything you do, including dinner dates, appointments, assignments, coffees, what you need to do that day. no detail is too small.
8. strip your bed of your sheets and empty your underwear draw into the washing machine. put a massive scoop of scented fabric softener in there and wash. make your bed in full.
9. organise your room. fold all your clothes (and bag what you don’t want), clean your mirror, your laptop, vacuum the floor. light a beautiful candle.
10. have a luxurious shower with your favourite music playing. wash your hair, scrub your body, brush your teeth. lather your whole body in moisturiser, get familiar with the part between your toes, your inner thighs, the back of your neck.
11. push yourself to go for a walk. take your headphones, go to the beach and walk. smile at strangers walking the other way and be surprised how many smile back. bring your dog and observe the dog’s behaviour. realise you can learn from your dog.
12. message old friends with personal jokes. reminisce. suggest a catch up soon, even if you don’t follow through. push yourself to follow through.
14. think long and hard about what interests you. crime? sex? boarding school? long-forgotten romance etiquette? find a book about it and read it. there is a book about literally everything.
15. become the person you would ideally fall in love with. let cars merge into your lane when driving. pay double for parking tickets and leave a second one in the machine. stick your tongue out at babies. compliment people on their cute clothes. challenge yourself to not ridicule anyone for a whole day. then two. then a week. walk with a straight posture. look people in the eye. ask people about their story. talk to acquaintances so they become friends.
16. lie in the sunshine. daydream about the life you would lead if failure wasn’t a thing. open your eyes. take small steps to make it happen for you.
16 steps to being a boring law-abiding drone that thinks they are a happy individual but really you are just doing all the motions that society tells you need to be done before happiness can occur and no matter how many times you do the motions you never really feel any happiness other than the false sense of security you lull yourself into because if you can get yourself into a monotonous routine of doing all the things that people say you should do to be happy you can convince yourself that maybe you won’t die all alone but we all know that you’re going to die all alone so here is jared blackmoon’s 16 steps to being happy
1. sleep in until 2pm
2. go to bed at 5am maybe 6am you definitely dont want to go to sleep before the sun starts to rise
3. eat whatever you want to eat because it’s all bad for you and you’ll probably just get hit by a bus
4. cook yourself a grilled cheese every once in a while because it’s the easiest thing to make and you don’t really need to worry about cleaning the pan the heat kills the germs
5. watch tv and sit on the computer all day because exercise is pretty much strictly for meatheads and assholes
6. drink alcohol until you forget how to drive and then drive or maybe operate heavy machinery like a crane or a bulldozer or something
7. write down all your dreams in a dream journal and then analyze why you dreamt of killing babies and eating their corpses maybe your therapist was right when they said there was something wrong with you
8. eat cookies and chips in bed right before you go to sleep and dont worry about getting any crumbs on the sheets you can just wipe them off
9. anyone who tells you that your room is dirty is not a real friend and you should exclude them from your life from now on
10. dont shower or bathe anymore its mostly just a waste of water and do you really want the kids in africa to die from dehydration
11. if you need to push yourself to go for walks maybe you should just skip the walk and go straight for the reward you can just eat some brownies and pretend you went for a walk and say “hey me, you did some good walking”
12. being social is #1 in this life if you dont have friends or if youre not married then obviously you are worthless and you deserve to die a slow torturous death
13. are you fucking kidding me the original post doesn’t even have a number 13 WHY ARE PEOPLE STILL SKIPPING THE NUMBER 13 so its not even 16 hints its 15 did the person posting this forget how to count
14. push yourself to read a book because if you’re reading these tips on how to be happy youre definitely not already the “book-reading type”
15. do meaningless acts of kindness that should be common sense to most people but reward yourself for being such a “good person” because you slowed down in traffic to let the car in front of you go and meanwhile there are 20 cars behind you beeping and theyre all late for work
16. kill yourself death is probably better than the life you are leading if you need to read tips on how to be meaninglessly happy
honestly had no idea that indian women are getting harvey dent’ed
ya we’re def da #1 cuntry
i don’t think i can handle one more talking-baby commercial we should have gotten past this with the look who’s talking movies
that is not a picture of me that is my son he is in college and i am very proud of him